My husband spent months & months drawing & painting everything by hand & our Super Mario playroom is done! It's incredible & was totally worth the wait!
10 Things.
10 years ago
Friday, December 28, 2012
Super Super Mario!
It's finally finished!!
My husband spent months & months drawing & painting everything by hand & our Super Mario playroom is done! It's incredible & was totally worth the wait!
My husband spent months & months drawing & painting everything by hand & our Super Mario playroom is done! It's incredible & was totally worth the wait!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
The Christmas I've Been Waiting For
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It was totally worth it. Four Christmases of tears & longing as I watched other families & longed for my own. Elli is here this Christmas & has already been more than I dreamed. She is amazing & has undeniably completed something in my heart that was missing. Our family is here & it's incredible. Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Church Family?
*Before I begin my rant I want to clarify that I do not expect the Church to be perfect. It is made up of God's people & we are all fallen & imperfect & struggling, therefore the Church will be imperfect as well. Nevertheless, it must be held to a higher standard than secular institutions.*
My husband & I are infertile. The fact that we have our miracle baby doesn't change this. It doesn't erase 4 years of miscarriages, doctors, tests, tears & pain. It means that our present is more blessed than we dared dream but the reality of infertility is still a part of us & it always will be. As a result I still see the world through the eyes of the infertile. My heart still beats as an infertile woman.
For example, over the years I developed very keen "pregnant belly radar". I can't tell you how many times I told my husband I was sure someone was pregnant weeks before they announced it. I even began to foretell phone call pregnancy announcements accurately! This skill has not diminished with the birth of my daughter, but it no longer leads to sob fests in public bathrooms. ;)
I still experience many things as an infertile which leads me to today's rant.
Nato (my hubby) & I have been attending a local church with my family for a few years now simply because of it's convenient location, it has never really felt like home.
It's been really hard to "break in" for many reasons, one of which is our sporadic attendance due to Nato's work schedule but the biggest reason we've struggled is the fact that until recently, we had no children.
For over a year before conceiving our daughter we tried every thing we could think of to meet people & connect in the Church. We repeatedly requested to be connected with a Small Group (kinda like a Bible Study) for months on end. When this resulted in complete silence I committed to volunteering every second week in Sunday School thinking to combine my love of Children's Ministry with the that hope serving would be a great way to meet people. Wrong. Other than the kids, no one spoke to me. At. All. This went on for months until I couldn't take it any more & quit.
We went to "New Attenders" luncheons holding out hope once again but every conversation died after the dreaded, "So, how many kids do you have?" question was answered with, "None. Just us & our dog."
*Sidebar: After years of actively avoiding social gatherings BECAUSE of this question & the silence that always followed our answer I beg you to never ask this of someone you just met!!*
When I was three months pregnant (but still not telling many people) we were invited out of the blue to a dinner at a Pastor's house to meet other young couples. We were elated & nervous. At the end of the evening we left feeling pretty positive, not everyone in the group had kids yet, maybe this was our in!
Nope. We never heard from them again.
(Actually just a few weeks ago that exact pastor walked up to Nato & I in church & introduced himself asking if we were new to the church.)
A few months into my pregnancy I started having complications & had to stick close to home so we began attending church even less. During this time my mom asked the Small Groups Pastor point blank why he never returned any of our messages or notes requesting a small group. He replied that one pastor had us over for dinner to see if we would be a "good fit" for their small group but it hadn't worked out.
I was angry, we were asked to dinner as an audition?? I also felt ashamed & embarrassed, what was so wrong with us that we had "failed"?
After this Nato & I gave up trying to get "in" & focused on enjoying our daughter. If we made it to church, great, if not, no biggie.
Two Sundays ago the final straw for me came. The Small Groups Pastor approached us after service & invited us to join his young families Small Group now that we have a baby.
I could barely form a response. I actually almost just picked up my daughter & walked away.
I'm done. My child is living, breathing proof of God, not a ticket into the "parent club".
All this to say that it breaks my heart the way the Church in general treats people who don't fit into their idea of what a family should be. If you're single, if you're divorced, widowed, childless, etc. apparently you don't belong. Or at least that's the message we've been given & I'm sick of it.
Nato & I have no idea what we're going to do about finding a new church home. All I know is this church doesn't want us & I'm finally OK with that. I don't think I want them anymore.
My husband & I are infertile. The fact that we have our miracle baby doesn't change this. It doesn't erase 4 years of miscarriages, doctors, tests, tears & pain. It means that our present is more blessed than we dared dream but the reality of infertility is still a part of us & it always will be. As a result I still see the world through the eyes of the infertile. My heart still beats as an infertile woman.
For example, over the years I developed very keen "pregnant belly radar". I can't tell you how many times I told my husband I was sure someone was pregnant weeks before they announced it. I even began to foretell phone call pregnancy announcements accurately! This skill has not diminished with the birth of my daughter, but it no longer leads to sob fests in public bathrooms. ;)
I still experience many things as an infertile which leads me to today's rant.
Nato (my hubby) & I have been attending a local church with my family for a few years now simply because of it's convenient location, it has never really felt like home.
It's been really hard to "break in" for many reasons, one of which is our sporadic attendance due to Nato's work schedule but the biggest reason we've struggled is the fact that until recently, we had no children.
For over a year before conceiving our daughter we tried every thing we could think of to meet people & connect in the Church. We repeatedly requested to be connected with a Small Group (kinda like a Bible Study) for months on end. When this resulted in complete silence I committed to volunteering every second week in Sunday School thinking to combine my love of Children's Ministry with the that hope serving would be a great way to meet people. Wrong. Other than the kids, no one spoke to me. At. All. This went on for months until I couldn't take it any more & quit.
We went to "New Attenders" luncheons holding out hope once again but every conversation died after the dreaded, "So, how many kids do you have?" question was answered with, "None. Just us & our dog."
*Sidebar: After years of actively avoiding social gatherings BECAUSE of this question & the silence that always followed our answer I beg you to never ask this of someone you just met!!*
When I was three months pregnant (but still not telling many people) we were invited out of the blue to a dinner at a Pastor's house to meet other young couples. We were elated & nervous. At the end of the evening we left feeling pretty positive, not everyone in the group had kids yet, maybe this was our in!
Nope. We never heard from them again.
(Actually just a few weeks ago that exact pastor walked up to Nato & I in church & introduced himself asking if we were new to the church.)
A few months into my pregnancy I started having complications & had to stick close to home so we began attending church even less. During this time my mom asked the Small Groups Pastor point blank why he never returned any of our messages or notes requesting a small group. He replied that one pastor had us over for dinner to see if we would be a "good fit" for their small group but it hadn't worked out.
I was angry, we were asked to dinner as an audition?? I also felt ashamed & embarrassed, what was so wrong with us that we had "failed"?
After this Nato & I gave up trying to get "in" & focused on enjoying our daughter. If we made it to church, great, if not, no biggie.
Two Sundays ago the final straw for me came. The Small Groups Pastor approached us after service & invited us to join his young families Small Group now that we have a baby.
I could barely form a response. I actually almost just picked up my daughter & walked away.
I'm done. My child is living, breathing proof of God, not a ticket into the "parent club".
All this to say that it breaks my heart the way the Church in general treats people who don't fit into their idea of what a family should be. If you're single, if you're divorced, widowed, childless, etc. apparently you don't belong. Or at least that's the message we've been given & I'm sick of it.
Nato & I have no idea what we're going to do about finding a new church home. All I know is this church doesn't want us & I'm finally OK with that. I don't think I want them anymore.
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