Deatils

The incredibly awesome thing about the God I worship and adore is that He adores me right back.  I am His child and He is my Father.  That means He cares about every tiny detail in my life, cuz that's what a loving father does.

He cares if I got a flat tire on the way home, He cares if I have a cold, He cares if I hurt someone's feelings...He CARES.

Even more amazing than that, is the fact that He cares that much about every other person too, whether they recognize it or not.

My Future Bedroom when I'm a Millionaire...

Just When You Think You Know...

So just when you think you know what's what, God throws you a curveball!  :)

Fri morning I got a call that I was passed over for a job I had thought I was really going to get, so I spent the rest of the day in a funk.  I was depressed and grouchy and wanting to know why God had lead me to feel I was going to get this job just for me to be turned down.  And then, a few hours later, I got a call from the school that had turned me down.  They had a job for me, a different BETTER job!

So I now have a FULL time, special needs PRESCHOOl job for next year!!

The things God does, even when we're whiny!  I'm so glad He loves me much more than I often deserve! :)

Why Bother?

So after what I thought was the best interview I've ever done, and a call back for extra information (which I took to be a good sign), once again I got the cliche of job rejection lines...AGAIN!  It's the exact same line I have gotten after every teaching job I haven't gotten.  I believed it the first time, not so much any more.

"You were great/You did an awesome interview/You were our second choice BUT we're going with someone who's been teaching for ____ years."

Excuse me while I swear a blue streak for a moment .......

K, I'm done.

Just wondering, why do I even bother?

I really, honestly thought I had a real chance at this job.  I felt like God was telling me it was the one he had in mind for me.  Apparently I'm an idiot.

Ave Maria

There's a song I've been listening to recently, and it makes me want to weep every time.  It's called "Ave Maria" by Pink.  I know, you're thinking, Pink makes you want to cry?  Why, cuz she sucks?  Well just bear with me for a moment.

In it she, I think, sums up the cry of the human heart so well,

"Ave Maria, where did you go?  Where did you go?  How did you know to get out of a world gone mad?  Help me, Maker.  The chaos surrounds me, the devil that hounds me.  I need you to tell me, Child be still."

The end refrain is what really gets to me,

"If the darkest hour comes before the light, where is the light?  Where is the light?"

This is a woman who openly lumps all Christians in with the Conservative/Right Wing Movement, and she is VERY vocal about her disdain and disgust with them (not that we can blame her at times!).

So why does this woman, who refutes Christianity publicly, echo almost anything we could read in the Psalms?  -Where is the light?  Help me, Maker.  Chaos is everywhere, evil surrounds me.  I need you to tell me, Child be still.-

Sound familiar?

How can people still refuse to see we are ALL created with a void in our soul and heart that only the pure love of Jesus can fill?  What else could you call this song?  It is a lost heart's anguished keening for the love of a perfect Father.

I need you to tell me, Child be still.

What a Compliment!

So you all know how nervous I get about teaching anything above gr 6.  Well at one school I sub jr high and sr high quite a lot and I've always doubted my talents.

So today I had a gr 12 class for 2 blocks that I must say, I quite love!  I find them so funny and such genuinely great kids.

I got not one, but two awesome compliments from two different gr 12 students today.

One girl told me I was a "great teacher" completely out of the blue, and a boy told me he was "sad" I wasn't going to be subbing them next year (obviously since they're graduating).  I'm such a sap but I almost teared up both times!

Those are the first compliments I have ever had from sr high kids!

I don't suck! :)

New Home

So last week Nato and I bought a townhouse!! It's so exciting, and a little surreal!
It's in Stony Plain and we're so excited!
While we still need to take care of some logistics before it's OFFICIALLY ours, I can't wait!
We're gonna be doing some renos and touch ups, so be praying we don't cut off any appendages! Neither of us has ever done more than painting before! Yikes!

Exciting, Scary

So an exciting/scary new chapter in our life is beginning.  We're trying to buy our first place!!

I'm so pumped and yet scared stiff.  There is so much to worry about and so much to be totally excited about.

I feel kinda bipolar right now cuz I swing pretty dramatically between "We're gonna have our own house and make it awesome and love it and live in it forever and be so happy!"

to

"It's all gonna fall through and the house is going to fall down around our ears and we're gonna go bankrupt and be homeless in my parents' basement!"

I am my own one-woman show!

*sigh*

So another school year is drawing to a close and I am forced to think about the coming fall and new school year that approaches.  And it's very discouraging.

I have been subbing for over 1 year now, had a few temporary positions and a couple of interviews for permanent jobs, and...nothing.

I have absolutely no possibilities of having a full or even part time teaching job this fall.

I know God wants me to teach, but that can be interpreted so many ways!

Does he want me to be a full time teacher in a regular school?  Does he want me to teach as a sub?  Does he want me to teach in a ministry capacity only?

I've even been having crazy thoughts of trying to open a Christian preschool.  Is THAT what he wants me to do?

I really wish I knew or at least had some idea of which direction to head in.  I am grateful to have a decent amount of subbing to keep me working, but it's so frustrating at the same time.

I want to KNOW.  I want to feel like I belong somewhere.  I want to have my own group of kids to connect with and pour love into.

*sigh*