New Mommy Doubts

Being a mom changes everything.

How many times did I hear that phrase during the 4 yrs I dreamed of a baby? How many times did I ponder that phrase while laying in bed at night, pregnant & sleepless? And now that I sit on the couch with my miracle baby girl in my arms I contemplate it again.

Yes, I was one of those women who thought over & over again, "That won't be me. I'll be different. My baby will be different." as I sat & listened to countless women tell me their stories of a being a new mom.

Guess what, I'm not different. My baby's not different.

I arrogantly assumed that with my education, with my training, with my experience & natural ease with children that motherhood would come, well not easy exactly but easier than the people who loaded me down with their sob stories, their horror stories.

Well it turns out I'm human too.

I have my moments of supreme self doubt. I sometimes sit in bed at 3am & cry because my baby won't sleep. I occasionally get irritated with breastfeeding because I feel like my body isn't my own anymore. I question whether I'm making the right choices almost daily. I regularly struggle with filtering through all the advice I am inundated by. I'm just like every other new mom...

and I couldn't be happier.

For the previous 4 yrs of my life I never dreamed I would get the opportunity to experience any of this. To have the chance to doubt my decisions as a parent. To have the privilege of needing to seek advice on caring for my baby. To get to share in that rite-of-passage sleepless night.

I don't have a "perfect" baby. I'm not a "perfect" mom. But that's okay because I have a baby & I am a mom. And that's about as perfect as it gets.