Super Super Mario!

It's finally finished!!
My husband spent months & months drawing & painting everything by hand & our Super Mario playroom is done!  It's incredible & was totally worth the wait!

The Christmas I've Been Waiting For

It was totally worth it.  Four Christmases of tears & longing as I watched other families & longed for my own.  Elli is here this Christmas & has already been more than I dreamed.  She is amazing & has undeniably completed something in my heart that was missing.  Our family is here & it's incredible.  Merry Christmas!

Church Family?

*Before I begin my rant I want to clarify that I do not expect the Church to be perfect.  It is made up of God's people & we are all fallen & imperfect & struggling, therefore the Church will be imperfect as well.  Nevertheless, it must be held to a higher standard than secular institutions.*

My husband & I are infertile.  The fact that we have our miracle baby doesn't change this.  It doesn't erase 4 years of miscarriages, doctors, tests, tears & pain.  It means that our present is more blessed than we dared dream but the reality of infertility is still a part of us & it always will be.  As a result I still see the world through the eyes of the infertile.  My heart still beats as an infertile woman.
For example, over the years I developed very keen "pregnant belly radar".  I can't tell you how many times I told my husband I was sure someone was pregnant weeks before they announced it.  I even began to foretell phone call pregnancy announcements accurately!  This skill has not diminished with the birth of my daughter, but it no longer leads to sob fests in public bathrooms.  ;)
I still experience many things as an infertile which leads me to today's rant.

Nato (my hubby) & I have been attending a local church with my family for a few years now simply because of it's convenient location, it has never really felt like home.
It's been really hard to "break in" for many reasons, one of which is our sporadic attendance due to Nato's work schedule but the biggest reason we've struggled is the fact that until recently, we had no children.
For over a year before conceiving our daughter we tried every thing we could think of to meet people & connect in the Church.  We repeatedly requested to be connected with a Small Group (kinda like a Bible Study) for months on end.  When this resulted in complete silence I committed to volunteering every second week in Sunday School thinking to combine my love of Children's Ministry with the that hope serving would be a great way to meet people.  Wrong.  Other than the kids, no one spoke to me.  At.  All.  This went on for months until I couldn't take it any more & quit.
We went to "New Attenders" luncheons holding out hope once again but every conversation died after the dreaded, "So, how many kids do you have?" question was answered with, "None.  Just us & our dog."

*Sidebar: After years of actively avoiding social gatherings BECAUSE of this question & the silence that always followed our answer I beg you to never ask this of someone you just met!!*

When I was three months pregnant (but still not telling many people) we were invited out of the blue to a dinner at a Pastor's house to meet other young couples.  We were elated & nervous.  At the end of the evening we left feeling pretty positive, not everyone in the group had kids yet, maybe this was our in!
Nope.  We never heard from them again.  
(Actually just a few weeks ago that exact pastor walked up to Nato & I in church & introduced himself asking if we were new to the church.)

A few months into my pregnancy I started having complications & had to stick close to home so we began attending church even less.  During this time my mom asked the Small Groups Pastor point blank why he never returned any of our messages or notes requesting a small group.  He replied that one pastor had us over for dinner to see if we would be a "good fit" for their small group but it hadn't worked out.
I was angry, we were asked to dinner as an audition??  I also felt ashamed & embarrassed, what was so wrong with us that we had "failed"?

After this Nato & I gave up trying to get "in" & focused on enjoying our daughter.  If we made it to church, great, if not, no biggie.

Two Sundays ago the final straw for me came.  The Small Groups Pastor approached us after service & invited us to join his young families Small Group now that we have a baby.
I could barely form a response.  I actually almost just picked up my daughter & walked away.

I'm done.  My child is living, breathing proof of God, not a ticket into the "parent club".  

All this to say that it breaks my heart the way the Church in general treats people who don't fit into their idea of what a family should be.  If you're single, if you're divorced, widowed, childless, etc. apparently you don't belong.  Or at least that's the message we've been given & I'm sick of it.

Nato & I have no idea what we're going to do about finding a new church home.  All I know is this church doesn't want us & I'm finally OK with that.  I don't think I want them anymore.
  

My Baby

My baby.  My beautiful, sweet, probably only baby.  Therein lies my recent issue.
Lately I have been really struggling emotionally watching my beautiful girl grow up.  She's been changing so fast recently which has been very exciting but also heartbreaking.  It hit me that I will probably never have this again.  As I pack away all the adorable newborn clothes she no longer fits I realize I'll never use them again.  As I celebrate with my friends that are expecting I realize I'll never be pregnant again.  I am so incredibly in love with Elli & so grateful for the miraculous blessing she is, but at the same time I'm really struggling knowing I'll never get to do it again.  It has been the greatest thing we've ever done & it's tough to know we'll never get to do it again.
Maybe I could just freeze time & keep her a baby for a year or two.  ;)

God in a Box

A fab friend of mine with whom I always have amazing discussions brought up the topic of the 10 Commandments the other day.  Interesting, I thought, but not terribly provocative.  I was wrong.  I began reading & almost immediately my mind was blown.
I guess I've always had a pretty basic "Sunday School" understanding of the 10 Commandments which I never felt a big need to push beyond.  I mean, they're just a list of rules, how interesting can they be.  Well, mind-blowing is the answer.
I began reading articles on interpretations of the commandments & only got as far as the first/second commandment (depending on your denominational bent).  The prohibition of images.  I guess I've always glossed over this one as "don't worship little statues" & moved on.  In reading an online article suggested by a friend (which you can find here http://mb-soft.com/believe/text/tencomma.htm ) I've started some serious thinking.
Putting God in a box is idolatry.
God knew back in Moses' time that we humans have a tendency to define, to simplify, to explain away.  We want things we can understand, things we can grasp & examine & essentially master.  We don't like not knowing, we don't like the unexplained or the unknown.  In Moses' time this often showed itself in religion through the creation of manmade gods, idols.  How comforting to have a God you can see & touch.  God specifically banned the creation of His likeness in manmade form for He cannot be captured or known by such human limitations.  He knew He had to be clear about this or people were going to start confining God to an object or an image like the pagans of the time were doing with their gods.  Then they would begin worshiping that thing instead of the Creator, they would begin equating that object with the totality of God.  That's idolatry.
Today in our Western society the temptation is not to worship an image of God in the form of a crucifix or a medieval triptych, but to worship our small finite definitions of an omnipotent God.  We put Him in boxes that we're comfortable with, boxes that help us feel like we've got a handle on who God is, how He thinks, what He wants.  
For some people that's coming up with sets of rules to follow because their box is legalism.  For others it's trying to explain God away by believing they can explain away all He created.  For others it's defining God in simplistic soundbytes that are easy to swallow.
Each of these are forms of idolatry for the god being worshipped isn't the one true God, but the image of Him they've created.  This commandment against graven images isn't about prohibiting rosaries, it's about protecting the boundless mystery & wonder of God.
I've got a lot of thinking to do. 

Hallowe'en

So this blog post is actually a very big deal for me & writing it is a big step.

If you know me you know I avoid conflict, always.  The thought of conflict makes me ill, literally physically ill.

So, whenever someone asked what Elli was going to be for Hallowe'en, I tried to sidestep & evade.  It was easier for me than saying the truth.  My husband & I have decided not to celebrate Hallowe'en & Elli won't be either.

This is usually met by disbelieving stares or eye rolls.  The stares from non-Christians who see us as depriving our child of a fun childhood rite.  The eye rolls from Christians who see us as "one of those" Christians.  The ones who are "old school" & over react to every little thing.  Seeing evil behind every bush.  The sad part is that the non-Christians usually settle down the moment I explain that Hallowe'en isn't compatible with our beliefs.  "Oh, okay," is the typical response.  They don't want to offend or belittle my beliefs.  I appreciate that, a lot.

The Christians are the ones I usually get the argument from.  This is why I avoid the conversation.  But with the Hallowe'en season just passed I have been feeling convicted for being afraid to confess my faith in this way.  So here it goes.

*Disclaimer: If you are a Christian who celebrates Hallowe'en I am not condemning or judging you in any way!  This is one of those gray areas in the faith that each person must think & pray about themselves.  Until a few years ago I celebrated Hallowe'en too cuz it's fun & I like fun.*

To me celebrating Hallowe'en is like that story in the Old Testament about Daniel & the king's food.  Daniel felt convicted & refused to eat the king's food because it had been sacrificed to idols.  That's the only reason he didn't eat it.  It wasn't that the food itself was bad, it wasn't that eating was bad.  There was nothing wrong with the food, eating is good & healthy & enjoyable.  There is nothing wrong with any of those things.  His problem was with the spiritual context of the food.  That food had been spiritually bound to idols & that carries with it spiritual baggage & consequences.  So he abstained from it.

We abstain from Hallowe'en for the same reasons.  It's not that dressing up is bad.  Collecting candy & having fun is not bad either.  It's the spiritual context of the holiday.  This particular holiday is spiritually bound to darkness & always has been, so the celebration of it comes with spiritual baggage & consequences.  Therefore, we choose to abstain.

That is our reasons.  We do not look down on anyone who chooses to celebrate Hallowe'en.  We do not condemn anyone for celebrating it.  We have simply made a decision based on our beliefs and convictions & we ask others to respect it.  

And Elli will have a whole trunk full of dress-up clothes by the way.  I LOVE to dress up!  :)

Wrong

Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong.
I don't know about you, but that's how I so often feel as a parent.
I read.  I ask.  I question.  I research.  I read some more.  And more.  And some more.
One of the many books I've read was given to me by a friend.  I made it less than halfway through before bursting into tears.
Let me paraphrase from Elizabeth Pantley's book:
"In your heart of hearts are your baby's ways & your coping strategies truly upsetting you?  Or does the problem lie more in the perceptions of those around you?  Let me put it another way.  It's only a problem if you feel it is.  You must figure out where your problem lies.  Is it in your baby's routine, in your management of it, or simply in the minds of others?  If you feel coerced into changing Baby's patterns because Aunt Martha, Great Grandma Beulah, your friend from playgroup, or even your pediatrician says that's the way it should be, it's time for a long hard, think.  Every baby is unique, every mother is unique.  Only you can determine the right answers for your situation."

I have my husband's 100% support.  I love my daughter & I do what I think & feel is best.  That's enough.

Moms

Mom's groups terrify me.
There, I said it.  
The thought of entering any room of new people is enough to send me into heart palpitations & dizziness.  The thought of entering a room of mothers gives me nightmares & full blown anxiety attacks.
For years & years I longed to join the "mom club" & have a child of my own & I still daily marvel at the miracle of our baby girl.  I absolutely adore being a mom & when apart from Elli for more than an hour or two I feel like my arms physically ache to hold her.  So why this trepidation in connecting with other moms?  I blame the internet.
The internet is home to every crazy pants parent out there.  Do you have an unreasonably strong opinion about something?  Then by all means, flood the internet with your rantings & condemnations!  Seriously, just google the smallest, simplest parenting question, I dare you.  Or put up an opinion/question/musing on a message board or social media outlet.  Then sit back & wait for the crazies.  It won't take long, I promise.
If this is what is out there for "support" I want nothing to do with it.  At least online I can hit that beautiful red 'X' that makes it all go away (or more realistically irately rant at my computer screen).  ;)

I Disagree With You.

That's right, I disagree with you. I do not think you are correct. I think you are wrong, mistaken, misinformed perhaps. I do not share your opinion or point of view. My thesis is in opposition to yours.

Feeling offended? Got your back up? Angry even? Well guess what, just because I disagree with you does not mean I disrespect you.

I do not share your opinion but I embrace & respect your right to have a differing view point to mine. I am not angry at you for believing something different from me. I do not think less of you because we are loggerheads.

I think you're wrong but that does not mean I think you are stupid, inferior or in any way undeserving of the basic manners, compassion & empathy I extend to every person I meet.

No matter how emotionally charged or personally meaningful the topic we disagree on I will continue to treat you the way I wish to be treated. As a thinking, feeling human being capable of rational thought & deserving of respect.

I disagree with you, I don't hate you.

Stop thinking one equals the other.

It's Okay.

I found myself trying to mentally reassure the paranoid new mom in me while on a walk this afternoon, thought I'd share in case someone else needed reassuring too.

It's okay if you hold her all day, it's okay if you put her down for awhile.

It's okay to rush & pick her up as soon as she cries, it's okay to let her cry for 20 mins if your sanity is at stake.

It's okay to find it funny when she fusses & cries for no apparent reason, it's also okay to just join her & cry too.

It's okay to ask every parent you meet on the street for advice, it's okay to tell people to shut up & mind their own business.

It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to want to do things on your own.

It's okay to think she's absolutely perfect & totally awful at the same time.

It's okay to feel like you have no idea what you're doing, it's okay to think you're doing a great job.

All the above stuff isn't really the 'end of the world' stuff, it's just the details of how you survive from day to day. Those details are going to change constantly based on what is working best this week, today & right this very minute. It's okay, it really is.

Love God, love yourself, love your husband & love her because that's what makes it okay.

You'd Be Surprised!

I had no idea, really, I had no idea. I knew I wanted some type of baby carrier as soon as I found out I was expecting. I was leaning towards a ring sling strictly because that was one of the only baby carriers I had ever tried. My amazing friends Erie & Zita set me up with Erin from Cosy Baby, Happy Mommy & she helped me pick the right one for us, a ring sling after all! I was super excited to get it & to my eternal relief Elli took to it right away. She has always loved being snuggled against my chest & the sling holds her in the perfect position. I knew the sling would help me out on the rough days when she would be extra fussy, or give my arms relief when out somewhere the stroller just isn't convenient but I really had no idea. You'd be very surprised what things you didn't think were possible can be easily accomplished when baby is happily & safely snuggled against you in her sling!

The Best Surprises:

1) I can paint my nails!! We had a party to go to & I desperately wanted to try out an ombre nail technique I saw on Pinterest but had no idea how I could do it. If I started painting my nails while she napped, what if she woke up early while my nails were wet? Answer: baby falls asleep in sling & I have an hour hands free where I have no fear of needing to mess up my nails!

2) Dinner prep: I can get dinner prepped & ready to cook while she happily coos away.

3) No heat baking: I even managed to make no-bake peanut butter cookies the other day with Elli in the sling. Here I thought my baking days were over for the foreseeable future!

4) Swiffer, Swiffer, how I love you! Yes, that's right, I can Swiffer my floors! Clean floors make me immensely happy for some obscure reason.

5) SANITY!!! Yes, I saved the most important for last. This sling has saved my sanity multiple times. Those days she won't stop crying, those days she just won't sleep, those days...

Being able to sit quietly while with a travel mug of coffee & a book once she has finally exhausted herself into a sleep in the sling has seriously saved my mind.

I love my ring sling!

Some Days

Some days you just need cuddles.

Some days you just need to sit on the couch with a cup of coffee, a soft blanket and your baby in your arms.

Some days you need to block out the "advice" & "suggestions" coming from all around you & just be.

Some days you need to trust yourself, your heart & your intellect instead of what others are telling you.

Some days you just need cuddles...

and that's okay.

I Love...

I love the way you look like you're silently laughing when you smile really, really big.

I love the sounds you make when you coo & gurgle & squeak & grunt.

I love how you turn your head to follow me & your Daddy when we leave or enter the room.

I love how you sneeze with your whole body.

I love the way you cuddle into me when I put you in your sling.

I love how you stare at me with those big blue eyes when I rock you to sleep.

I love the way it feels when I rub my chin on the top of your head while I'm holding you close.

I can't possibly list all the tiny little things I love about you, but I had to name a few.

New Mommy Doubts

Being a mom changes everything.

How many times did I hear that phrase during the 4 yrs I dreamed of a baby? How many times did I ponder that phrase while laying in bed at night, pregnant & sleepless? And now that I sit on the couch with my miracle baby girl in my arms I contemplate it again.

Yes, I was one of those women who thought over & over again, "That won't be me. I'll be different. My baby will be different." as I sat & listened to countless women tell me their stories of a being a new mom.

Guess what, I'm not different. My baby's not different.

I arrogantly assumed that with my education, with my training, with my experience & natural ease with children that motherhood would come, well not easy exactly but easier than the people who loaded me down with their sob stories, their horror stories.

Well it turns out I'm human too.

I have my moments of supreme self doubt. I sometimes sit in bed at 3am & cry because my baby won't sleep. I occasionally get irritated with breastfeeding because I feel like my body isn't my own anymore. I question whether I'm making the right choices almost daily. I regularly struggle with filtering through all the advice I am inundated by. I'm just like every other new mom...

and I couldn't be happier.

For the previous 4 yrs of my life I never dreamed I would get the opportunity to experience any of this. To have the chance to doubt my decisions as a parent. To have the privilege of needing to seek advice on caring for my baby. To get to share in that rite-of-passage sleepless night.

I don't have a "perfect" baby. I'm not a "perfect" mom. But that's okay because I have a baby & I am a mom. And that's about as perfect as it gets.

Welcome, Elli!

So right on time, on her due date, our miracle baby arrived! Welcome, Elli! She threw us a lot of curve balls while making her arrival (I did not expect to be hospitalized for a week in total & have an emergency c-section under general anesthetic). She is here safe & sound however & that is all that matters! Our beautiful, perfect baby girl.

A Very Special Nursery

My husband & his mom are both very artistically talented. She's even written/published books on painting techniques & has made us some really beautiful gifts over the years. So whenever I let myself dare to dream of a nursery I always thought how wonderful it would be to have some sort of mural or piece of art by her. What a special gift from their "Gran B" that would be for the baby!

Early in the pregnancy I got kinda stuck on the idea of basing the nursery colours & theme on one of my favourite children's books, "I Love My Little Storybook" by Anita Jeram. I am always captivated by the whimsical, magical illustrations & the sentiment of being completely in love with your favourite story. So I half-jokingly mentioned to my hubby how nice it would be to have him & his mom paint a small scene from the book on the nursery wall. I honestly didn't think it would happen, everyone is so busy, but today they finished it, just in time for our due date next week! It is better than I ever imagined & am completely in love with our nursery!

A Little Fun

My hubby & I love Super Mario.  We even have decals of Luigi (him) & Princess Peach (me) on the back of our car.  Yes, we're a little geeky, but that's okay.  So I made a little something for the baby to surprise him with.  :)

A Little Re-Evaluation

So I've been home & off-work for over a month now.  It's left me with a lot of time on my hands.  :)  I have always struggled with too much free time or too much alone time.  When I realized in March I was going to be home (& possibly on bed rest) for weeks or months I kinda freaked.  I was really scared what it was going to be like, what I was going to be like.
I have, however, come to realize quite a few things over the last month.


1) We have many more people in our lives that genuinely care for us than I realized before all this happened.  This realization has motivated me to put more effort & conscious thought into the important people around me.
2)I am not defined by my job.  This may sound like a silly epiphany to have, but I needed it.  I have always thrown myself 110% into whatever I'm doing at the time, University, volunteer work, teaching, etc.  I think it got to the point where I thought the majority of my identity & self-worth came from being a teacher.  While I still do (& always will) have a passionate devotion to teaching (& in particular teaching children with Special Needs), that is not all I am now.  
3) I can control more about myself & my day than I took responsibility for previously.  I can control my tendency to procrastinate.  I can control my outlook & attitude towards daily events & unforseen challenges.
4) I am stronger emotionally & physically than I thought I was.  I'm still shocked how calm I was when we rushed to the hospital a month ago now.  How well I coped with being confronted with so many of my fears at once (I am phobic about needles, I have never had to spend the night in a hospital before & no one knew what was wrong with me or what was going to happen to baby & me for almost 3 days).  I'm pretty proud of myself.  :)


So all in all I think I am genuinely grateful God knew better than I did.  I'm actually kind of glad all this happened, ending up in the hospital, going off work, all of it.  Yes, it was stressful for awhile, yes it was scary for awhile, no it wasn't easy for a few weeks there; but I am so thankful for what it taught me & for the experiences it opened me up to.

Baby Album

So with all this time on my hands I at least got the baby album finished ahead of time!  I got the idea of pre-making an album from the magazine Scrapbooks, Etc & I love how it turned out!  I got small a 4x6 photo album in green (gender neutral colour) & split it into sections with tabs to denote each month of baby's first year.  The last half of the album is split up into holidays & family events that will be taking place in baby's first year (family member birthdays, Easter, our anniversary, etc.)
Then I added embellishments on each page & will simply slip in 4x6 (or smaller) photos as the year goes along.  All I need to do once baby arrives is print off pics & fill in the journaling spots.  So excited!

This May Be Getting Out of Hand...

So this organizing/nesting things may be getting out of hand. ;)

Today I went through our deep freeze, threw out anything that had been in there over a year (yup, a year). Then I made a list of everything in the freezer, sat down at the computer & made a freezer tracking list. Do I need help?

I printed it out, put it in a page protector & will use a whiteboard pen to keep track of how much of each thing is in the freezer.

Really I'm doing this to try to save money by not letting things spoil & not overbuying (I had NINE pounds of butter in there!).

Here's a pic.

A Little Organization Makes Me Very Happy!

Well I've been off work for about 3 weeks now. I'm trying to balance resting & keeping busy/prepping for the baby. We've been renovating our house ever since we moved in but since we got pregnant we've kicked it into high gear. This meant finishing the basement so we can move the office/craft room downstairs & turn that room into the nursery. I finally have all my craft/office stuff moved downstairs now & nicely organized. So happy!

Storing my glitter &

embellishments.

Storing my paper & ribbons.

Not According to Plan!

I'm a planner. I always have been. I always will be. Few things in life make me as content & excited as sitting down a few days before the start of a new school year & organizing & labeling all my school supplies. This is part of me & I accept & embrace it. It helps make me a good teacher & hopefully a good wife & friend.

It is also something I struggle with. No plan = anxiety & panic for me. Not cool. Holidays & time-off work throw me, badly. My hubby dreads summer holidays because he knows that after a week of catching up on sleep, a week of reorganizing & cleaning house & a week of crafting I will go bonkers for the rest of holidays. When we go away for a few days I need stuff to do almost every minute of every day. He long ago decided one of his jobs in life is to teach me how to "do nothing". :)

So when we found out we were expecting I had it all planned. (stop laughing) I was going to be perfectly healthy, take great care of myself, work until 3 weeks before my due date & have everything organized, planned & prepped for my replacement to take over.

This brings us to the events of 3 weeks ago. I was hospitalized for 3 days, almost had a 29 week baby & then sent home on augmented bed rest for 2 weeks. Plan down the toilet. At the end of the two weeks I was taken off work completely until the baby comes, with the threat of further hospitalization hanging over me.

We had next to nothing ready for the baby, next to nothing planned & prepped for school & hadn't even attended our prenatal class or written our birth plan yet. (not that the birth plan matters too much anymore, it's probably going to have to be a c-section now)

So here I am. At home for the next 2 months. My activities are limited, my health is in constant question & I didn't even get to say goodbye to my coworkers & students.

So much for planning. Now for that crash course in "doing nothing" my hubby talks about. ;)

Randomness

Today my little girl with Autism was being pretty silly & giggly. At one point she came up to me, sniffed my arm, looked at me & declared "L, M, N, O, P!" & ran away. Okaaaayy...

I was trying to get one of my fav little guys to do a speech game with me & he was being a bit of a stinker, trying to crawl away or drop to the floor. Finally he looked at me with emphatic arm motions & announced, "Missa Awr, I just too busy."

Just for fun we pulled out a bucket of rubber chickens during gym time. Thought the kids might get a kick out of throwing them in a big bin. They went bonkers for them! Before I knew it there was chickens literally flying everywhere! One little guy threw a few in the air & yelled, "It's a flying chicken party!"

The Light Goes On!

The angelic-looking little girl in my afternoon class that has autism, A, has been a challenge & a joy all year. I consistently marvel at how completely different each child on the spectrum is, despite sharing certain consistent symptoms. After a very short time with A in our class we all knew she was going to be one of the ones that we were going to look back on at the end of the year & go "Wow. She's come so far!" And boy, has she ever come far!! She continues to amaze us with her astounding progress in so many areas. Speech, self-regulation, following directions, peer interactions, on and on.

In one area, however, we have felt consistent frustration and failure at our inability to find a way to reach her & help her. Toilet training. A few months ago she self-initiated toilet training at home, so we went with it! Despite amazingly quick progress at home, this was an area of extreme stress & frustration for her at school. I could list all the things we tried to help her transition to & from the bathroom successfully but it would seriously take too long. We tried every known preferred activity or item. We used visuals. We used timers. We used different potties & seats. We tried everything we could think of & then we started asking everyone else what they could think of. And then we tried those things & they didn't work either!

Today, a seemingly ordinary day, the light went on. Literally. A light was what solved the problem. A flashlight to be precise. This week we played a new game in class with a stop light I made out of construction paper & cellophane that I shine a flashlight through to make it light up. We learn a rhyme about going when it's green, stopping when it's red and going slow when it's yellow. She loves this game. And I mean loves this game.

So today she very clearly needed to go to the bathroom. We tried all our tricks. No success. So now she's upset, we're frustrated & feeling like failures, the rest of the kids are on edge. I'm literally pulling my hair while staring across the room, wracking my brain when my eyes fall on the flashlight & traffic light. Lightbulb!

It worked. She was calm, she was happy, she peed on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!

My aides & I were quite literally jumping up & down. (When you're in Early Ed, you get excited about pee.)

Anyways, I tell this story to encourage you. When you've tried everything, when everything has failed miserably, please don't give up on the little ones you work with or live with. The lightbulb will go on.

Too Long...

I have clearly been in Early Ed waaaay to long!

A few weeks ago I was doing a Home Visit for one of our little guys with moderate speech delays. He's a real sweetie, very quiet. I knew he had older brothers but didn't realize the brother in Kindergarten would be home during our visit. No problem, it's always good to have a peer to practice taking turns with.

I had brought along a fishing game to work on his "f" sound, for him "f" comes out "b" so "fish" is "bish", etc.

As I pulled out the game his brother exclaimed, "I want to play the bish game!"

I noted his older brother had the same speech sound error, interesting but not uncommon. Now I can give both kids some practice on their "f" sounds.

We played the game well, both boys needing lots of reminding & prompting to make their proper "f" sounds. When it was done I pulled out Candyland. The older brother had a total meltdown when he didn't get to go first. And I mean melt down. Screaming, throwing things, full freak out.

What was the first thing that came to my mind? The first thing I noticed when this child became borderline violent?

Interesting. He doesn't have his "f" sound for "fish" but he does for "f*$k you, mom".

Yup, I've clearly been in Early Ed waaaaay too long...

More Snippets!

Walking to Sky Lounge with my kidlets when sweet little C pipes up.

C: My sister is such a liar. She said she liked it but she didn't.

Me: I'm sorry your sister said something that wasn't true, but we don't call people liars. That's not a Super Friend thing to say.

C: No, I'm not talking about every person. Only my sister's a liar.

* * *

My little girl with Autism has been making such leaps & bounds in her language lately. Going from 1-2 words at a time to full sentences occasionally. Today we were playing a Bingo game with fruits & veggies. She got a picture of a radish but didn't know what it was.

Me: Oh, you got a radish! Radish!

A: Ra-ish. Beautiful picture of ra-ish!

Birthday in Preschool Land

Today is my birthday. I've always loved birthdays. I firmly believe everyone should have a big deal made of them on their birthday. I have never expected this to occur at school though! Yes people always wished me a happy birthday, the occasional person would give me a card, but today was completely different.

My fabulous EAs in my morning class took it upon themselves to throw me a mini-party during class! They brought in cupcakes (with pink icing of course), had the kids all sign a card for me, they bought me a present & everyone sang "Happy Birthday". It was so sweet! I almost choked up. I have never felt so loved & appreciated at school before, it was downright touching. What a fabulous day!

And I think I might still be on a sugar buzz from those cupcakes! ;)

Turning a Woops into an A-Ha!

This baby brain is causing some uncommon crinkles in my typical school day. ;) Normally I'm super organized & prepared, but in the last few months I forget things often & feel a little confused at times. Today was no exception. I arrived at my afternoon class with only half of what I needed for the planned craft. We're learning about animals & were going to paint stripes on zebras by rolling marbles in paint in trays. I had the zebras, I had the paint, I had no marbles, I had no trays. Last minute rethink! I was really beating myself up for foolishly forgetting yet another simple thing & decided to just pull out thin paint brushes & have the kids paint the stripes by hand. I sat down with the first 5 kids, demonstrated what we were doing & watched them happily paint their zebras with perfect stripes. The next batch of kids came & my mistake turned into a very happy accident. I discovered that three of my students could not successfully motor plan how to make controlled lines. No matter how many times I demonstrated or hand-over-hand helped them, they could not do it. If I had not forgotten those materials I would still be assuming this was a basic skill all my kids had, now I know what I need to work on & am making plans for focusing on this skill for those 3 kids. Who knew such a silly mistake could result in something so important?

Come to Your Senses

Anyone who works with young children will (or at least should) know, that when you want them to really remember something you have to engage as many of their senses as possible. This is even more important for students with sensory processing disorders and/or various special needs.

So every day I make sure we have at least

2 activities that are purposely designed to

be multi

-sensory. I thought I would take a moment to share a few of my "greatest sensory hits" with you.

Freeze your paint before you fingerpaint

. That's right. Freeze it. Try putting it into popsicle makers so kids have the option of holding onto the stick. Or just freeze into ice cube trays and pop them out on the paper. I often add glitter for a little texture. This works really well during a winter theme if you freeze white paint & call it "snow".

Bring the weather indoors. Is it fall? Then

fill an under-the-bed plastic bin with leave

s & pinecones & bring it indoors to dig through.

Winter? Fill it with snow & sand toys for winter fu

n inside where it's warm. My kids are always totally blown away when I bring snow inside to play with. So cute!

Move past sand & water. They aren't your parents se

nsory bins anymore! Be creative. Sand & water tables are great, but jazz it up sometimes. Try dry rice & beans (you can easily dye them with vinegar & food colouring), shaving foam is always a hit (but very messy), fill a tub with pom poms or marbles. Doing a construction/transportation theme? Fill a bin with small rocks & put diggers & bulldozers in. What a giant bin of buttons? Use your imagination, the kids will love it!

Use those scraps. We all have them. Bits & pieces, odds

& ends from other crafts & activities that we refuse to throw out, cuz, well we're teachers & we don't through anything out! So put them to use! Make mult-sensory collages out of scrap ribbon, fabric, foam stickers & pom poms. Create a masterpiece where each piece is made from a different texture (see my Sense-ational Snowmen below) like sand paper, felt, foam and cl

oth. Lay out several objects & let kids use crayons & paper to do rubbings & explore what each texture looks like on paper. You've held onto it for years, now put it to good use.

Get cooking. I cannot say enough about how important it is to cook & bake with young children. It teaches them all those things you're worried about them learning. Following directions. Waiting. Pre-math (counting, measuring). Vocabulary. Hygiene & healthy eating. Safety in the kitchen. Plus, it engages all the senses. Kids love to cook & bake. So let them! A few tips. Start off with no-heat recipes that simply require kids to assemble ingredients in a certain order. Snack mixes are good for this, as are various sandwiches. When adding ingredients slow down & let them explore. Have them guess what the ingredient is. Let them smell it & talk about it. Let them taste a small amount (yes, a fingerfull of flour won't hurt them) & discusswhat it tastes like. This will also help with not eating out of the bowl while you are mixing. Have anti-bacterial handwipes ready for the inevitable times they will pick their nose, etc while cooking. Enforcing handwashing every time they do something unsanitary while preparing food is important. Try having colour coded measuring utensils so kids can be more independent. "We need 2 blue scoops." is an easier direction to follow than "We need 2 tablespoons." Have a visual timer for when food is baking, this makes the waiting much easier to bear.

A Welcome Update!

It's been quite the week. Winter hit with a vengeance and so did a cold I'm trying valiantly to fight off. On Wednesday it actually hit -48 Celcius with the wind chill. Buses were cancelled, almost no kids came to school. My nephew's grade two class across the hall from me had 6 kids in it. It. Was. Brutal.

So on Thursday it was a welcome surprise to get an update on a former student. My little J from last year (a boy with Autism I had in my class for 2 years) moved on to a separate school division so I hadn't heard a single thing about how he was adjusting. So imagine my delight when I ran into his mom in the hallway Thursday morning!

She told me he was doing well, he recently worked his way up to attending full day, full week school which is wonderful. He did get away from his class early in the year (he's a runner and QUICK) but he never made it out of the school, so that's pretty good!

He did however cause some excitement the day before (the coldest day all winter). He pulled the fire alarm and evacuated the school. In -48.

Now that's the J I know and love. ;)

Ring Around the Rosie.

A little girl in my afternoon class who has Autism was having a rough day on Monday. We were playing in the gym & she was extremely upset so one of my EAs distracted her by playing Ring Around the Rosie. Over & over again. As she began enjoying it & calming down she started verbalizing things like, "Whee, fun! Fall down, crash!" etc.

Until, I guess the fun got too much & she exclaimed, "Holy crap, this is fun!"

A Few Windows into Our World.

One of my amazing EAs blowing bubbles with two of my cuties. It's always amazing how bubbles make them SO happy!

Our little one with Cerebral Palsy (who is quadriplegic) was having "tummy time" today. With no prompting at all another little boy plopped down beside her & began to play with her. Eventually the two of the them were side by side on their tummies while he pressed buttons on her musical toy & then showed it to her so she could see the lights flashing. :)

Yet More Snippets...

Before I share another snippet from sweet little C, I need to explain that one of my EAs is very petite. I mean, very petite. We have Jr. High students in our school & she regularly gets mistaken for one. :)

So we're in the Sky Lounge (our indoor playspace) & one little guy with Autism crawls into this caterpillar tunnel we have (from Toys R Us). My EA crawls in to play a game of peek-a-boo with him, cuz, well, she can fit in there! Even before I got pregnant there was no way my 5ft 9in self would squeeze in there.

C peeks into the tunnel to see one of her teachers in there & starts giggling. She looks over at me & says, "*giggle* My teacher is so little! I told my sister Hailey one of my teachers is real little but she didn't believe me. *giggle"

In my afternoon class is one of my favs, A. He's a sweet little guy, but man is that kid hairy! It sounds mean, but seriously, he's full blooded Italian and hairy! His back, arms, legs, etc. which is kinda surprising on a 4 yr old.

So yesterday we were in the gym & I was doing a quick count to see if everyone had arrived yet, "Oh, A isn't here yet." I commented.

One sweet little guy looks around, "Oh yeah. A isn't here. Where is that furry little dude?"

Not ashamed to say I almost fell on the floor laughing. Wait, my EA did fall on the floor laughing. Yes, same EA so I guess she didn't have that far to fall.

Back to Reality.

Well today was the first day back after Christmas Holidays. I always dread this week. The kids have spent the last two weeks eating sweets, going to bed late, being over-excited & just generally having little to no routine or structure during Holiday craziness. This translates into absolute mayhem & meltdowns the first week back at school. They "forget" the routines & rules. They "forget" how to share, how to put toys back on the shelf, even how to take off their own boots. The week back after Christmas is always worse than September. Kids who haven't been aggressive since the beginning of the school year relapse. Kids who never have full blown meltdowns are on the floor of the hallway screaming.

I still remember this week 2 years ago, I thought it was going to kill me & my aides. I shudder every time I think about making it through that week.

So needless to say I went to bed apprehensive & in all honesty, kinda dreading today.

Well surprise, surprise, it went well!

The kids seemed genuinely happy to be back. They were excited about the "same old" toys again. They were very happy to see their friends. It was a busy but good day. A couple of my tougher students even did exceptionally well. I was shocked but I refuse to question it to much. I choose instead to be immensely grateful & hope against hope it sets the tone for the rest of the week. It was the pleasant surprise I needed to energize me for the second half of the school year.

Well, provided the other shoe doesn't drop tomorrow. ;)